Teaching
your children to share is always important, but do they have to share
everything? As a mother of both singletons and twins, this is one
question that had me researching all the opinions on the subject. My
singletons were taught that it was nice to share with other children,
but they didn't have to share everything.
So, why is it that from day one I have been teaching my twins that
sharing is a must? Only because they're twins-which I now realize is
not fair. After doing my homework, I realized that I was affecting
the individuality of my twins. Just because they were "womb
mates" and the same age playing with the same set of
toys did not mean that they had to go through life sharing
everything. That is simply not fair.
You
don't need to share “that” if you don't want to.
I
like to divide the toys between their room and their playroom.
That way they know that the toys and items in the playroom are
for everyone. Toys or special items that are left in their rooms do
not have to be shared. They can also each have personal space on
their side of the room, or under their beds. It's as simple as that.
They need to know that they are allowed to have their very own
things. If they decide to share with their siblings, all the better;
but it is not mandatory. Also, make sure that you ask whether or not
they prefer to share a birthday cake or if they want individual ones.
Do they prefer "Happy Birthday" to be sang to them one at a
time or both together? These are things that are a given when
you have one child so why should you assume any differently with
twins?
Have
them pick for themselves, you'll be astounded by what you will
discover!
One
of the most important things is to let your twins pick out what they
want for themselves. If it's clothing, you may find that even
though they pick the same item they might pick it in a different
color and that's fine. They have a reason for this. It's their
very own way of letting others know that they are different. They
might look the same but that does not mean that they have the same
taste! Some parents like to show their twins to the world in
identical clothes, but it is very important not to force that upon
them when they start expressing themselves. A parent can easily rob
twins of their personal identies by grouping them into a pair,
intentionally or not!
Make
time for both twins
It
is such a special feeling for any child to be able to spend some
quality time with their parents. It helps with the bonding process
and can really teach you a lot about them. Make sure that you take
the time to go out with one at a time. Do you have family around? Let
them take one to the supermarket while you take the other to the car
wash. Different
experiences are the building blocks of an individual
identity. Get
to know them separately. Talk to and praise the children
individually. Ask them about their friends, their likes, their
dislikes. I know that as parents of multiples we are always on the
go, but we really need to see this from our twins'
perspectives-separately. It will make such a difference in their
lives to see that you see them for what they are-individuals.
