One On One Time With Your Twins
One-on-one time can seem impossible with more than one child running around but it truly is important, especially with multiples, to get that much needed time with a parent.
There is a little church I fell in love with when I moved 22 years ago. I eventually got married, baptized all of my girls and now attend mass every Sunday there. The only Sunday service they offer is at 7:00am. My oldest wakes up and goes with me every Sunday. We then take a walk on the boardwalk and maybe sneak in a doughnut. I treasure this time together. She is a daddy’s girl through and through so to have her all to myself for an hour or two is one of my favorite things in the world. I adore this more than my first cup of coffee each day. I think this fills up both of our buckets tremendously. We have a connection because of this and I constantly look for ways to achieve this with my other girls.
When my older twins were toddlers I instilled a timer rule. My timer rule is to keep me calm and the girls focused. I set the timer for 20 minutes and one child and I get to do whatever she wants for those 20 minutes, uninterrupted. The timer reminds me just how short 20 minutes is. It can feel like an hour when playing ‘Chutes and Ladders’ with a three year old but that timer keeps reality in check. It also helps the child know that everyone is getting the same amount of time with mommy.
A mistake I learned with trying to find one-on-one time is that it doesn’t need to be an outing, cost anything or even mean no one else is around.
Some ways I find quality one-on-one time:
- I find cooking with one child, even though the other three are running mad, gives us the bonding time we need. For those few moments I hear nothing but her.
- Playing tag. The one I’m chasing feels she is the only one in the world for those few moments.
- Changing a diaper. Sing a song, ask her questions, tickler her toes; anything to get a few extra seconds alone.
- Only one is awake, morning or evening? Snuggle! Talk! Laugh at a show!
- Appointments or errands. Is it possible to take one at a time? My daughter has to travel twice a year for specialty appointments. It is just her and me and we eat out, shop and sight see for the day. That fills her bucket for weeks!
- Get others involved! Daddy time is just as important and even aunt or grandparent time. That special feeling of not being a twin feels refreshing!
- Grooming- blow drying her hair, painting her nails, applying lotion or any other task that allows you two to be alone.
All these little things add up to big moments.
I enjoy walking my older twins to school. It might not be one-on-one time but the younger twins aren’t with us so they are getting some special time first hand and not the usual “hold on a second!”
I would love to be able to take each girl out to lunch once a month but that is just not feasible so we need to get creative. We’ve done a pretty good job so far. When someone is fussing I try to think about the little things. Is she hungry? No. Is she tired? Not likely. Is she feeling neglected? Ah, there it is, that sneaky little monster.
It is so difficult to carve out time but it's so worth it. Take it from me, someone who is a chronic cleaner and doer. If I can slow down for some one-on-one time then so can you.
How do you spend one on one time with your multiples? Please share any tricks you may have!
About the Author
Kerry Bergeman is the founder and mastermind behind New2Two.com – A peek at my life as a Mother of fraternal AND identical twins! Kerry and her husband, Steve, reside on the Eastern Shore of Maryland where they are raising eight-year-old fraternal twin girls and three-year-old identical twin girls; even their rescue dog is a girl! She teaches part-time at the local community college and has just launched The Frulu- a blanket like no other that keeps sand and dirt out! Her blog, New2Two is about life with twins, dealing with infertility, raising awareness for bully prevention and the challenges of having a daughter with a severe intolerance to dairy. What does she do on her time off? She is the Brand Ambassador of the Twingaroo twin carrier (yes, that’s her on the box)!